That is the title of the first vignette I wrote for my English teacher. I have to write four more by Monday.
Today, April 27, 2012, my bird died. She was fine when I got home, and then I looked over at her and she was on the bottom of her cage. My mom forced some water into her mouth and tried feeding her. I kept blaming myself, thinking "It's because I forgot to get her fresh food and water. It's all my fault." I didn't say it out loud, of course. Even so, my mom kept saying, "You were an excellent mommy. This wasn't your fault."
I kept thinking to myself, "Please, just shut up! I want to blame myself! Then I feel better! Then I can openly say I'm never getting another pet again. If I blamed myself I could go on in life. That's how I went on after George(my 2nd hamster) died.
At the same time I was thinking to myself: "Why can't I be Lana? I'd give anything to be Lana! Let me have a healing touch!" (GONE by Micheal Grant reference) I didn't want her to die. I loved her. I had tried over and over to get her to talk. I loved her so much.
When my mom was holding Alice and I left the room to move her cage to the workout room where the heater was(they believe she caught a cold from the sudden weather change) she let out a sound. She knew I had left and didn't like it. When I came back my mom placed her on a blue washcloth and told me to hold her. I thought of the last bird I held like this. I held her in her final moments as she died. I had cried for her, and I was close to crying for Alice. A few tears actually managed to escape the barrier I set up.
When she died I went to my room to write my vignette. I want to add a poem at the end. A haiku. I'm going to write one for her. She was my baby, and in her final moments she wanted no one more than her mommy.
I love Alice, and my stepdad bought three Lily plants to put around where they buried her. The lily is my favorite flower, and my mom knew it. He picked out three pretty colors that had yet to bloom. They're all going to bloom around my baby. My Alice. I would say she's in a better place, but I'm atheist. I don't believe there's anything after death. I won't until I find proof.
-Melody
-This is Me
-Who Are You
